The Things I Meant To Say

Hi mom. I turned 21 today. So much has happened in the past 7 months, mom. Life has been speeding past my eyes faster than I can keep up. I miss you every single moment. I feel so bad for all the time I took advantage of having you around. I should have called you more often. I should have told you I loved you, when I knew that was the only thing in this world that you wanted. You were so hurt, so often. Your life was such a tragedy. It was tinged with destruction and pain, although there were great moments in it as well. I just want you to be happy. I wanted you to be proud of me, I wanted to show you the change I can make in this world.

Something happened that may be a surprise to you. Something I told you would never happen, but it inevitably did; I fell in love. She is a wonderful woman, who takes my breath away. I understand your point of view now, mom. How you said I would understand one day what it means to feel and give love. It's so addicting. I have a hard time containing all of this emotion coursing through my veins. She is beautiful, kind, funny, so damn smart, and she makes me smile every single day. I would be lost without her. She helped me when I was trying my hardest to cope with losing you. You would have loved to have met her. She came to Audra's wedding. Everyone loved her.

I know dad misses you, so much. When we first found out, one of the first things he said to me was; "I don't know what to do. I've spent half of my life with her. I am so lost right now." He loved you so much, mom. I wish we could have all showed you a little bit better how much you meant to us.

I'm going to make this world a little bit brighter some day, mom. And it's for you. So people don't have to have such heartache and tragedy throughout their fleeting time on this planet. I miss you, and love you.
Love, David.