One Year

It has been one year since the earth crashed around my feet. One year since I've felt a void within myself. It has been one year since the death of my mother, Melissa Elena Lindsey.

I remember writing immediately when I found out my mother had died. I was on the other side of the country, in Florida. My Dad was the only company she had in her last moments. I remember all of the things I had promised myself after her death. Goals I meant to keep, dreams I meant to uphold and share. And a year later, I can say I am a bit closer, but nowhere near the place I need to be.

She was such a beautiful woman. I wish I  could talk with her. Let her know how her youngest son is doing. How my Naval career is going, how I finally felt romantic love and understand her sentiment to see me happy with someone. I found a friendship that I cherish and want for the rest of my life. A couple, actually. Reflecting on her  death makes me question my happiness, and what I really want out of life. I feel like I owe it to her to live well, with a smile on my face and a laugh just behind my lips.

I love you, Mom. If I had just one more hour with you, I would give anything. You will live forever, inside of me.

Winter child, born in the cold.
Innocent and young,
You hold your chin up as
Life grabs a hold.

You grew up before you were meant to,
To survive in this enormous world.
The sweet feel of love
when it finally found you.

Raising a family,
You should be proud
of the job you've done.
Sending four wonderful children into the world.

You sacrificed your life
to ensure our own.
Melissa Elena Lindsey
You are finally home.

I miss you, mom. I love you more than I can put into words. I forgive you for everything, you are the reason I want to be something in this frightening world.