One Year

It has been one year since the earth crashed around my feet. One year since I've felt a void within myself. It has been one year since the death of my mother, Melissa Elena Lindsey.

I remember writing immediately when I found out my mother had died. I was on the other side of the country, in Florida. My Dad was the only company she had in her last moments. I remember all of the things I had promised myself after her death. Goals I meant to keep, dreams I meant to uphold and share. And a year later, I can say I am a bit closer, but nowhere near the place I need to be.

She was such a beautiful woman. I wish I  could talk with her. Let her know how her youngest son is doing. How my Naval career is going, how I finally felt romantic love and understand her sentiment to see me happy with someone. I found a friendship that I cherish and want for the rest of my life. A couple, actually. Reflecting on her  death makes me question my happiness, and what I really want out of life. I feel like I owe it to her to live well, with a smile on my face and a laugh just behind my lips.

I love you, Mom. If I had just one more hour with you, I would give anything. You will live forever, inside of me.

Winter child, born in the cold.
Innocent and young,
You hold your chin up as
Life grabs a hold.

You grew up before you were meant to,
To survive in this enormous world.
The sweet feel of love
when it finally found you.

Raising a family,
You should be proud
of the job you've done.
Sending four wonderful children into the world.

You sacrificed your life
to ensure our own.
Melissa Elena Lindsey
You are finally home.

I miss you, mom. I love you more than I can put into words. I forgive you for everything, you are the reason I want to be something in this frightening world.

New Year

I discovered something about myself tonight. I never had any idea that this was the way I wanted to live my life. The way I wanted to spend my finite existence. 

I chase moments. I chase minutes and seconds of pure wonder and beauty. I do whatever it takes to have my breath taken away. I was absolutely surprised tonight. I grabbed my bicycle from the lamp post it was chained to, and took a 10 minute ride to the island's water line. The gentle black waves rolling in, inches from my feet. I arrived 25 minutes from midnight, the herald of a new year. 2013. It's weird to reminisce that 10 years ago I was 11 years old, banging pots and pans with spatulas and spoons in the street, in place of fireworks and noise makers. But, my childhood is another matter, so we won't get into that.

At 11:57 P.M., as I stood with the small waves inches from my feet, I stared out into the Pacific Ocean, rocks and small cliffs jutting from the water like some long forgotten sentinel. The gray waters making a beautiful symphony of chaos, filling my body with its sound. To the right of me, a small mountain range jutted out into the water, and beyond that in the distance lay Seattle. Fireworks began shooting off, inches above the highest mountain range, from my point of view. The vivid reds and blues and whites stark against the black night sky. It brought a wonderful smile to my face. How lucky I was, to have this moment to myself. David Lindsey. Sitting on a beach on a rock by himself, with fireworks shooting off beyond the mountains, their colors exploding against the sky. Then I looked to the left, towards the Canadian Border. We were pretty close to Vancouver, and what do I happen to see? More fireworks. More greens and whites and blues exploding against the night sky, dimming the stars for moments at a time. 

Here I am, 21 years old, away from family and friends. A beautiful gray ocean is rising and falling in front of me, American fireworks to the right of me, above the awe-inspiring rocky mountain cliffs. Canadian fireworks to the left of me, exploding against the night sky, heralding the passage of time.

Absolutely perfect. It's moments like these that I would die for. It's moments like these that I will gladly reminisce when I am old and gray. I can imagine myself in front of an audience of grandchildren as they ask me of my youth. "There I sat, with the ocean in front...". Wonderful.

Here's to 2013. I hope for the best. And whatever stranger happens to grace this little corner of the internet; I hope 2013 treats you well, my friend. 

Peace and Love,

David Lindsey.